Kopacs at NY Marathon finish line
Mid-Hudson Road Runners Club
MHRRC Home  Recent  Humor  Information  Boston Marathon  NYRRC Races  Other Races  By Friends
Lynne in NYC

Kopac's Corner

The Secret Life of Bob Kopac

by Bob Kopac

The other runners warily eyed Bob Kopac as he strode confidently to the Bloomsday 12K starting line. As Bob knelt to tie his shoelaces, the nervous runners reflexively glanced down to check their own shoelaces.

"I recommend you double-tie your laces," Bob helpfully suggested to Lazarus Nyakeraku. "You would lose a minimum of 9.45 seconds if they became untied during the race." Several runners immediately bent over and double-tied their shoelaces.

As Bob stretched at the starting line, the Kenyans moved as far away from Bob as possible; they were intimidated by Bob's dominating victory at the Boston Marathon. "Poor chaps," thought Bob. He went over to offer one of them encouragement, but that only caused the Kenyan to collapse from nerves and flee the race.

Only Joshua Chelanga had the confidence to stand next to Bob. "Good show!" thought Bob. "The Boston win had been boring. Now I'll have real competition."

Bob turned around and waved to the drenched runners in the yellow section who were standing several yards behind the elite athletes. Cheers and applause filled the air. Earlier, Bob had eschewed the private entrance to the elite athletes' area. Instead, he had worked his way through the yellow section on his way to the starting line. Greeting each runner, he had helped hit beach balls high above the enthusiastic throng. Several runners had offered him their garbage-bag rain gear, but Bob graciously declined. "I am glad it is raining for the first time in the 23-year history of the Bloomsday Race," Bob said to one participant. "The medics on the course will not have to worry about runners suffering heat stroke."

When Bob reached the starting line, however, he became worried about how the wheelchair athletes would handle the slick downhills. Bob went over to the wheelchair athletes, who were lined up under a sky bridge to protect themselves from the rain before the race. "An optimum downhill speed should be 32.5 MPH because of the conditions," Bob suggested to Saul Mendoza. "You'll be able to make up the time because of your great uphill strength."

Don Kardong, after giving an interview to the television news, strode over and wished Bob good luck in the race. "Poor Don," thought Bob. "Too bad he has to talk with the media instead of mentally preparing for the race, especially since he hates running in the rain."

Bob entered his pre-race meditation, practicing his Ujjayi breath and clearing his mind of all thoughts. After a few minutes he began to visualize each kilometer of the race course. When Bob mentally reached Doomsday Hill, he suddenly realized that was where Joshua Chelanga would attempt to make his move.

Envisioning his response to Chelanga's breakaway, Bob allowed himself the luxury of a small smile. Several Kenyans immediately dropped out of the race in despair. "At least it will be less crowded at the start," Bob offered to Chelanga. Chelanga grimly nodded back and then focused his concentration on the upcoming duel.

The runners tensed as the starting official raised the revolver high into the air and slowly squeezed...

"Excuse, me, sir, I will have to ask you to stand on the side of the course until the elite runners go by," a course official said to Bob Kopac.

"Yes, yes, of course," replied Bob disconcertedly. "Exactly where should I stand, please?"

The official guided Bob over to the sidelines. "Stand here until you see entrants who are running at a pace similar to yours, then slip into the pack. Be careful," warned the official.

Bob waited several long minutes after the race started before tentatively edging his way into the stream of runners.

Due to a mysterious quirk of fate, Bob Kopac received an elite race number for the Bloomsday 12K race in Spokane, Washington. Bob did not interfere with any of the elite athletes and did not beat Joshua Chelanga. Joshua Chelanga had not been intimidated by Bob. However, Don Kardong does hate running in the rain and did wish Bob good luck before the race.